How Do You Self-Trust?
Trust Falling into Life
A few days remain of my three month living abroad in Spain experience. No part of me is ready to return except for the logical good girl who needs to follow the Visa restriction rules. (wah-wah)
This experience has been a blessing on so many levels and the aspect I want to explore today is one of self-trust.
In years past, the Controller Archetype in me (see my free quiz if you want to discover your Overwhelm Archetype) would grip so tight when planning anything!
Planning meals for the day…
Planning my workouts…
Planning my schedule…
Planning a trip…
Planning what I would say before the moment in a conversation arrived….
Planning my husband’s schedule….
The Story I was Telling myself
This need to plan so tightly comes from a deep protective part. A part that wants safety and security. A part that believes if I plan perfectly, “nothing ‘bad’ can happen to me.” After years of introspection through meditation, journaling, therapy, coaching, walks, learning, listening, talking, sharing etc…I have been able to name where this story lies.
The seeds stem from that stretch of time in my life where I lost everything when diagnosed with cancer and lost my mom. The part of me that felt the ground beneath crumble. The part of me that was angry because she was sold a story that life would always be secure.
The survivor in me built a belief that to prevent anything else bad from happening, I just get to “control life harder.” That logic made sense, until it didn’t…
The controlling part of me being in the driver’s seat of life affected my ability to receive. It affected my ability to enjoy. It affected my ability to stay present. She was always off in the future trying to control.
Years of working with this controlling part, I can feel the fruits of my labor bloom and they are so sweet (and a little spicy at times). It is SO important to take these pauses in your life when you can see your nervous system operating from a new pattern. These are the moments we build even more self-trust. Where we can recognize and celebrate change can happen. That we can heal. There is choice.
A New Operating System
This trip to Spain unfolded on an intention and a whim. Our flight was booked, our house re-organized and rented three weeks before our departure. Nothing else planned. An airbnb booked a week before arrival. For the past three months that is how we have been operating. Nothing substantial has been planned.
We set out on an intention to live and work from three different cities in Spain to explore if these cities felt like home. We had a rough idea of which cities we wanted to try but allowed ourselves to stay open.
The controller in me would have had a “shit fit” years ago doing this type of adventure. But here I was, trust falling into life. Trust falling into myself and into my relationship.
I had a Centered in the City podcast guest a few months ago ask me: “How are you doing that?” And it gave me a pause to notice the process I have gone through to build this reorientation to life.
A big part is learning to notice when the Overwhelm Archetype is leading. In my case, when this controlling pattern is leading. And once I can acknowledge she is here, I meet her with some self-compassion instead of judgment, shame or self-abandonment. A form of re-parenting arises where I get curious about her needs to feel safe. I let her know she matters.
From this place, she loosens her control grip and steps out of the driver’s seat and into the backseat. My higher wiser self gets to step into the driver’s seat and make choices from a grounded place of trust and clarity instead of from anxiety and fear.
This type of reorienting isn’t just about creating a new belief pattern. It goes deeper into my nervous system to be able to feel safe enough to believe these new thoughts. To trust this new story. To find the evidence that this new story is true.
Letting My Higher Self Lead
Letting my higher self lead, allowed me to stay closely linked to my truth. To make decisions from a deeper place of alignment. Each decision that feels like a true yes, keeps building that self-trust.
For me, living with more self-trust reduces my anxiety. It helps me be more present. It supports me navigating life as it unfolds—knowing I have the capacity to meet whatever is here. I feel more life “myself.” More living in my own skin. This is where confidence truly shines because I can trust I am enough, just as I am.
This Week’s Practice:
Share Your noticings with me in a DM or in the comments below:
What does living into self-trust look like and feel like to you?
How do you know when you are in self-trust? How do you know when you have self-abandoned?
What are the deeper believes that your Overwhelm Archetype has?
Self-trust seems to be featuring in a lot of conversations I'm having at the moment, so it feels very aligned to read your words this week, Wade. I'd say that living from self-trust (when it happens - it doesn't always, ha ha) arises from a regular and healthy experience of solitude. I can come back to myself when I'm not with others and when I can access silence to support what I'm really thinking and feeling.
I know I've self-abandoned when I feel a gnawing sense of anxiety - not the kind that comes from entering fruitful new expansive territory but rather the kind of anxiety that's focused on how I might be perceived by others, or a fear of getting it wrong in some way.
Thank you for writing this. I really appreciated receiving this at this time.