How to Be in Relationship with Fear

It's a work in progress

Photo by Anderson Rian on Unsplash

It’s really easy to let fear hijack us. Especially in this current global political climate when every few hours there is a new jaw-dropping headline about people losing jobs, political decrees, environmental disasters and wars.

What I have been noticing recently is that fear feels the most intense when my mind is in the future.

I read these headlines in the present moment and feel nausea creep into my body. But the fear grows more intense as I witness my mind immediately get hijacked into the future—catastropshizing worst case scenarios or creating “what if…" storylines.

The emotion of fear is no longer tied to what’s happening in the present moment.

I then notice a choice point.

I can…

• Collapse amid the fabricated fear. Not knowing what to do that I role over and give up.

• Feel paralyzed by the fear in my future thoughts—not knowing how to move forward

• I can ignore the fear, numbing myself with distractions, hiding under a rock pretending I don’t hear, see, taste, touch or smell anything.

• I can feel present to the fear and get more curious and courage to walk along side it. Get to know it.

I don’t know about you, but I want to get more accustomed to choosing the latter option. Just like when I was younger and believed the Boogyman lived in the upstairs closet, I can choose to listen to stories in them mind or I can go look for myself and be in the present.

I have to remind myself that fear is an emotion. All emotions are here to be teachers about my needs.

So when I feel fear, I want to:

1. Pause and notice it. Notice my initial fear response. Remind myself with kindness that it’s ok to feel this way.

2. Take a breathe and ask myself, what is fear trying to teach me in this moment? What’s my need ? (ie. safety, connection, security etc).

Pausing and asking myself, what do I need while faced with fear is an empowering response. One where I get to activate a curious mindset and be in control of my response and my relationship.

I recently heard Doctor Julia speak on Mel Robin’s podcast. She discussed this analogy that we can either be predators to life or pray when faced with hardship. No one else in life is here to care for you the way you care for yourself. Tapping into your animal instincts of being a predator can empower you to take charge of life instead of feel like a victim.

So as we continue to be human, navigating real scary sh*t, how do you want to be in relationship to fear?

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This week’s Practice:

Share your noticings with me in the comments or send me a DM.

1. Notice how you typically respond to fear?

2. What thoughts does the mind create in relationship to fear?

3. What is fear trying to teach you in the moment?

4. What needs do you have?