Making Love to Sweets
Nourishing the various parts of my body
My left hand holds a warm white porcelain mug. The smell of steaming hot coffee travels to my noise and wakes up my lungs and eyes. My brain wags it’s imaginary tail and pants like a happy dog about to get a treat.
My right hand reaches for a chocolate cookie in slow motion. I gently dip 1/4 of the cookie into the surface of the coffee. Time stands still. Like that famous quote from the movie, Two for the Money, “[…] the best part of the best drug in the world isn't the high. It's the moment just before you take it.” My brain lights up ready for the sugar bliss.
The cookie quickly travels to my mouth before any droplets or crumbles flake off. My lips touch the moist coffee essence. My front teeth nibble into the soggy yet crunchy texture. The espresso flavored buttery chocolaty mush dissolves in the front of my tongue, leaving a smudged coating. Crumbs roll to the back of my tongue and get flattened in the roof of my mouth. They then bounce to my right side molars to get broken down even more. Some even stuck in my teeth. Whatever is leftover, slides down my throat with another sip of coffee.
“Ahhh.” A smile expands on my face as the cookie coffee mixture lands in my belly—savoring this sweet moment. I feel the dopamine released and inspiration pulse through my veins. My senses and creative juices flow.
I notice my hands, tongue and eyes want more. They crave the sensory explosion. The urge to keep eating flinches like an automatic muscle spasm. I watch the urge rise and fall. I notice my heart is still savoring the goodness of that one tiny bite. Dipping a sweet into my coffee is one of my true loves.
I first learned how to eat sweets mindfully or at least the intention to eat them mindfully, while I lived in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Before that, my need for binging on sweets was strong. Sugar was my drug of choice. Let’s be honest. It is still my drug of choice. I used to feel like I had to keep eating sweets until my stomach hurt. When my stomach hurt that meant it was just right. I’d eat cookies and brownies as fast as I could. Tricking my brain that if I eat fast enough, maybe the amount of cookies I’d eaten wouldn’t count because no one could see them. If you don’t see them, do they exist?
My favorite cafe in Argentina, Maru Botana, serves these comically large slices of creatively crafted cakes. Built into the rhythm of Argentine lifestyle, they have merienda time (aka snack time) between the hours of 4-7 pm. This is designated time to sit at a cafe and enjoy a sweet or savory snack alone or with a friend. There is permission to relish. Life isn’t about rushing. There is enough time and space to enjoy.
I’d take myself to this cafe, probably once a week (at least) and order one of two of my favorite cakes. One of my favorites is a brownie topped with dulce de leche, followed by a layer of mascarpone and finished with 5 inches tall of fluffy meringue (see the above photo). It’s decadent, dense and delicate all at the same time. My other favorite slice of cake is a almond based cookie. Three layers high filled with mixed berries, mascarpone and dulce de leche at every level. They were full of flavor and texture explosions. I learned I didn’t need to finish the slice of cake that was served in front of me. No one was rushing me from my table, neither the waiter or pressure of time. Within this spaciousness, I learned to slow down and listen to my body and what she wants.
Eating a sweet in a mindful way is a version of making love to myself. Pleasure and sensations erupt. I am brought to the present moment to indulge and delight. To receive. The more I give myself permission to receive pleasure with delicious food, the less I need. I feel satisfied and satiated. I don’t need to binge a whole sleeve of cookies or an entire slice of cake.
When I was going through chemotherapy in 2010, right after I lost my mother to her own cancer battle, life felt bleak, to say the least. Some days, the highlight was deciding which coffeeshop to visit based on what type of pastry or sweet I was craving. I needed some form of pleasure. I don’t make myself wrong for wanting to enjoy sweets. Sometimes there is a tiny voice in my head saying, “Sugar will kill you, don’t you know. Sugar feeds cancer. You should be treating your body better.” Yet, sugar brings me too much joy to cut it out completely. I would rather bring more balance to my relationship with sweets because life is too short to not prioritize the things I love.
In Dr. Jan Bay’s book, Mindful Eating: A Guide to Rediscovering a Healthy and Joyful Relationship with Food, she offers helpful insights when practicing mindful eating. One of my favorites that I actually first learned from my mother when I was a child, is to pay attention to what part of my body I am feeding. For instance, am I eating because my eyes are hungry? My hands? My mouth? My heart? Boredom? Or is my body actually hungry? When I cook, order at a restaurant, fill my bowl at a salad bar and when I sit down to eat, I try to slow down enough so that I can pay attention to what part of me I am feeding. There are no wrong parts to nourish. Noticing what part of me I am feeding will help me be more intentional. Be more mindful of my choices.
As I sit here this morning, delightfully dipping my cookie, I notice all of the parts I am nourishing. My tongue. My heart. My creativity. I feed them pleasure and love with each bite. Taking the time to nourish until completion.
The next time you sit to eat a meal or a snack, try to notice what part of your body you are you feeding? Share with me what you are noticing below.