Redefining Enough
Shifting the Focus to What Truly Sustains Us
How will you know when you have enough? Did enough? Are enough?
This theme of enoughness shows up every where. We live in a world, especially as women, where we orient by looking around at our peers, social media images, mirrors, calendars and bank accountants to see if we are enough and have enough. The negativity bias in the brain primes our thoughts to be judgy. Looking for the gaps and getting hyper-focused on filling the gaps.
Thoughts might sound like…
“These friends drive nicer cars than me.”
“They own a 3,000 square foot home while I still rent a one bedroom.”
“Her skin is more dewey than mine.”
The compare and despair game can create a domino affect—activating shame spirals where a version of “I am not enough” is repeated on internal loud speakers.
Where do these messages come from?
In The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist, she highlights how in American culture, we wake up in the mornings feeling behind. We chug coffee to help us rev our engines so that we can move faster and be more efficient. We work ourselves to the bone to earn money, which we then go ahead and spend on things. We enter the hamster wheel of needing to make more money to buy the bigger home and the bigger car so that we can fit all of the things we’ve accumulated.
Once we have the bigger homes and cars, we still need more so we invest in a storage unit to store all of our additional things. Even though we’ve been hustling like squirrels gathering nuts, we still need more. Yet, at the end of the day, after working hard to earn more, we end up going to bed not feeling like we did enough. This feeling of “not doing enough” creeps into our psyche where we feel we are not enough.
Day after day, we experience this cycle. It empties our soul and sense of self little by little. Twist published this book in 2017 and I would bet that this feeling of “not enough” has intensified thanks to social media’s extensive presence.
Last week, I listened to a panel that
(an amazing financial App) hosted. Money experts like Katie Gatti-Tassin, founder and CEO of Money with Katie and , creator of The Purse and Refinery 29’s Money Diaries discussed the psychology of money.The concept of “enoughness” rippled to the surface throughout the conversation. Everyone wanted to know, “what is enough money to have in my emergency fund?” “How much is enough to invest?” These money experts noted that: “what is enough is a personal question because what might be enough for one might not be enough for the other.” It’s so true! Based on people’s personal lifestyles and goals, what is enough paints very different pictures.
What I am Noticing…
Reflecting on this cultural question of “what is enough?” I feel my nervous system twitch. My heart feels empty and lethargy takes over my face and body. Striving to experience enough feels like a cup that will never be full. Even if enough is clearly identified. There is a carrot and stick undertone. A constant nagging of lack lingers.
Maybe it’s my own sensitive filters— watching my mother drive herself to sickness to provide more than enough for her children. Watching her constantly be stressed because the overwhelm of everything she was working on was still not enough.
Coaching conversations with my ambitious clients steep with pain because they don’t feel enough so they take on more than they can chew, trying to prove their worthiness. This tends to backfire as the stress and pressure lead to common symptoms of hair loss, digestive issues and hormone imbalances.
I’ve witnessed my own relationship too enoughness. Feeling the pressure to produce content and get caught in the numbers game—falling into the trap of letting my worthiness depend on the number of attendees present at my workshop. Or letting the algorithm tell me my content is worthy of going viral. Riding the “enough train” only leads to burnout and disappointment.
What if we culturally changed the conversation from what is enough to what is sufficient?
The word sufficient used to trigger me. I felt sufficient was just accepting the bare minimum. “Why do I want to settle for the bare minimum when I can have more?,” I thought to myself. However, when I slow down to notice, sufficient actually feels really good in my body. There is a settling in my heart. My stomach feels satisfied, not bloated or overly full.
Sufficient reminds me my needs are being met. I can breathe. I actually have enough and I don’t need more. I don’t need to keep putting my foot on the gas pedal, running my my mind and body into overdrive.
Reframing this language feels empowering. I am reminded, I can still go after big goals. I can still me ambitious. I can still set high standards and yet, I don’t need to hinder my well-being. I can put my head on the pillow at night and know I am enough. When my goals are tailored to sufficient versus enough there is a layer of contentment and gratitude.
I welcome you to pause and notice …
Grab your journal, share in the comments below or send me a DM.
What does the word “enough” feel like in your body?
If any where, where in your life do you feel “not enough”? What information or signals tell you this?
What does the word “sufficient” feel like in your body?
What would it be like to use the word “sufficient” to define your goals instead of enough?