Last week I returned to the States after three months of living abroad. I arrived with such a full cup. My eyes felt fully alive after starring at the electric blue green Mediterranean water the last two weeks in Ibiza. My heart felt magnetic after connecting with so many amazing people around the European continent. My brain felt stimulated—filled with inspiration and creativity. I kept pinching myself with gratitude that this is my life. I get to do the work I love while in beautiful and inspiring settings.
Yet, a few days after landing home, I notice my energy shift. My full cup is dwindling.
Internally, I want to scream: “No, don’t disappear!” An frantic urge to clog the leak took over. I felt myself clinging and clawing to the pleasant euphoric feelings.
My logical brain knows nothing stays the same so why would I expect this feeling to last?
Watching this strong internal emotional response was a signal some of my needs were not being met. I turned inwards to meet my emotions of longing, grief and gratitude. With a hand on my heart, I gently ask myself, “What needs of mine are not being met, right now?
My soul whispered:
community
cultural warmth
beauty/inspiration
My inner toddler starts kicking and screaming for their needs to be met. To be seen for having needs. Yet, my adult self whispers to her: “I see you sweetheart. Your needs matter. You matter. I am working on getting you what you need AND I would like your support by being patient. You are loved.”
I feel my system settle and be soothed. My wise self comes back online. I feel fierce love and courage surge through my bones. I stand at the ready. Paying attention to next moves I can make.
This is my current practice. Building fierce love for all the parts and pieces of myself. Not ignoring or abandoning myself. Holding space for the various truths that can be present at the same time.
I get to be grounded in reality and recognize not all of my needs will be met all of the time. This is life. It’s ok to feel grief and disappointment. I get to accept the unpleasant reality too.
I don’t necessarily have solutions for my needs, yet. However, noticing, listening and meeting them with tender care is the path forward.
This Week’s Practice:
I welcome you to reflect and notice what are your needs:
Share your noticings with me in the comments or send me a DM.
Who’s needs do you hear talking to you?
What needs are yearning for more attention?
What does it feel like to hold space for your needs?