Why We Need Trust to Start a New Year
The secret ingredient to having more confidence
I sit down on the cozy leather couch in our living room with my journal in my right hand. Candles are lit. Soulmerge plays in the background. The mood is set. The new year calendar begins and the possibilities are endless. My fingers fill with giddiness because they can’t wait to write all about it. As I begin to jot my desires, hopes, and dream-storms down, I feel a clench in my stomach. Thoughts start to bubble up:
“What happens if these wants don’t come true? The big ones didn’t come true last year.
Why bother setting goals and dream-storming?
Why bother getting my hopes captured by the mystical myth of new years only to experience an expectation hangover?”
I pause. I hold space for the ouches of disappointment from the past years that bubble to the surface. Years where I wanted too much? Dreamed too high? Let my ambitions run wild? Had fears of success?
Before I can move onto the new year, I know I need to do some housekeeping and process some of the disappointment from the past.
This is where trust with ourselves begins. When we break promises or don’t follow through on wants and desires, trust within ourselves can weaken. A lot of my coaching clients come to their first session, saying they want to feel more confident. What this typically translates into is that they want more self-trust. Trust that they can navigate the uncertainty. Build trust with their body and health again. Trust that they can take that big scary career leap or allow their heart to trust themselves in a new romantic relationship. Trust and self-love are foundational ingredients to taming unhelpful anxiety that can shake the ground beneath our feet.
Along the journey of life, we can sometimes abandon our true selves. We can get distracted by consuming all of the noise and endless content at our disposal—tuning out our inner whispers of wisdom. We can easily turn on autopilot and follow paths that others have laid out before us. We can freeze with overwhelm and perfectionism—not knowing which turn is the “right one” to take so no action carries us forward. We can get trapped in the comparison game—putting our attention on other peoples’ lives and feeding the stories in our mind that our life isn’t good enough. We aren’t good enough. One day, we wake up and realize we feel out of alignment from the person we want to be. The person we know we are deep down. Resentment and disappointment breeds more distrust because the “time grim reaper” has taken months or years off of life.
Just like any rupture in every relationship, repair is necessary. There must be trust and love in order to move forward. The first step to repair is a dose of self-compassion for the ouch, followed by forgiveness and topped with personal responsibility.
I sat on the couch and placed my hand on the ruptured ouch. My eyes closed. I gently swayed side to side, soothing the pain and sadness. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I whispered these words to myself:
“May I feel loved and safe.
May I know I am whole and complete.
May I forgive myself for the promises I didn’t keep and the ways I let you down.
May I remember, each moment is an opportunity to begin again.
I promise I will not abandon you again.
I love you.
Please forgive me.”
Building a relationship with self is one of the most important practices we can prioritize in this world. It isn’t self-fish. In my opinion it is part of the path to realizing we are all connected. That when we take care of ourselves, we are actually “cleaning up” our side of the street, which in turn makes it more pleasant for other people to travel along.
I turned my attention back to my journal and gave my fingers, heart and soul permission to write. I focused on my power intention of the year (aka my annual word/phrase that gives me an anchor to what I am prioritizing). This year my word is SouL. I rested my attention on my soul and let her lead. This is my only real goal for the new year. To listen and honor her. To let her lead and stay curious as the path unfolds.
As you tune into your new year, I welcome you to notice:
Where in your life are there ruptures that need repairing?
Where is more trust needed?
What does giving that “ouch” a big hug of compassion sound and feel like to you?
Who or what do you need to forgive to be able to move forward?
Feel free to share your thoughts below. May we all trust more deeply so that we can live more fully.
Join me for 2024 Intention Setting Party where we will collectively experience a forgiveness meditation and process so that we can build more trust for the new year.