What Are You Avoiding?

We all are...

The truth is, I haven’t been as consistent with my Substack writing practice the last few months. I miss it!

A few weeks ago, I got stuck writing a post about anger. I said to myself, “I need some space to figure it out.” However, a few weeks went by without me touching Substack. The blog still sits in my drafts with a faint heartbeat. I adjust my writing project management tracker from “in process” to “in avoidance.”

Sometimes…

ideas
people
decisions
actions
emotions

need space to breathe…

They need space to be understood from various angles. Or they need space to “cool” because it is “too hot to touch.” However, a lot of the time, space can put something “out of mind and out of sight,” which can be code for “avoidance.”

In my experience, when I avoid having that conversation, sending that email or even undoing the dishwasher, it can lead to feeling more overwhelm and anxiety. As a coach, I know this is so normal! The more one avoids, the more daunting a task can be because of the stories the mind makes up or the backlog of the project grows. For instance, “I am going to undo the dishwasher later because I don’t have time right now.” Yet, I keep kicking the action down the road making this task harder. Dirty dishes pile in the sink and the original tasks goes from an 8 minute to do to a 20 minutes to do.

For me, avoidance feels like tension in my jaw and a knot in my stomach. I can feel my masseter muscles grip. The pit in my stomach feels like a desire to hide. A lot of the time I don’t recognize I am avoiding until moments, hours or even days after touching it.

Yet, when I face the thing damn thing I am avoiding, I feel like Superwoman! I have more space to breathe and I know I am living in more integrity. I feel courageous because I am facing what feels unpleasant or difficult.

This is how I have been working with avoidance:

1. I have an agreement with myself to be honest with myself. Honest to pay attention and notice…notice what it feels like to live in alignment with myself and out of alignment. This is imbedded in my deep value of health. When I am out of alignment that creates more dissonance and stress in my system, which I do not want. I want my body and mind to live in optimal harmony.

2. I notice when avoidance is here. For instance, if I keep dancing around sending that email or kicking that project off to the following day, I know this is a signal. I’ll feel the tension in my jaw and pit in my stomach.

3. I try to “trick” my mind by saying, “you don’t have to do the task, but let’s look at it.” Facing what feels uncomfortable is huge! Once I am revisiting the task, I will ask myself, “what is one tiny and do-able action I can take to move this further along?” That might mean, re-read the blog. That might mean, create a draft email. Write one sentence down. Unload just the silverware from the clean dishwasher. The magic of this trick is that once I typically start, I am more likely to complete the task. Or at least make a dent. My mind realizes it actually isn’t scary!

4. Celebrate the sh*t out of myself for doing a hard thing! I want to reinforce this neural pathway and continue to remind myself to embrace instead of avoid.

This Week’s Practice:

I welcome you to join me and notice your relationship to avoidance.

Share your noticings with me in the comments or send me a DM.

1. What are you avoiding in your life? (We all do so know you are not alone!)

2. How do you know avoidance is present?

3. What does avoidance feel like in your own body

4. What strategies support you facing the things you are avoiding?